3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
