Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
