You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
not ubering you a puppy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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