All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
