My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
