i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
