Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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