I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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