don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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