Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
