happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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