i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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