Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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