Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
