obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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