my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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