Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
