conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
