Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize