I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
