god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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