How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize