i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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