Umm I'm too high to move.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
