they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
