so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
