Do you still have your period?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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