Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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