I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
