My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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