I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
