So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
