The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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