I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
