i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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