You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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