every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
