Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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