i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
