She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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