I bet he comes in French.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize