You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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