Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
