I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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