just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
