you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
