I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i think i just lost a toe
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
