Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize