I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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