I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
