So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
