Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
