her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
