I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize