The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
