Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
