I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
