whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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