ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
