Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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