the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she told me i tasted like america
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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