It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
