i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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