she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
