i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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