Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
