highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
