I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
