Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
