I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
