apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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