That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
