Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
