So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
