direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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