So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
