so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
