I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
