You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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