I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
