Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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