i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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