before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
