ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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