does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
