and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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