Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
