mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
