"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
