In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
