i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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