6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We have started to decorate penises.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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