we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize