i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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