You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
