Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
