I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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