All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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