you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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