Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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