Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
