i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
