is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
