Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
