Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think my vagina is haunted
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
