I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
