Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i barfeds in our rink
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
