HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
