I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize