I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
